So I have been spending a lot of time on cracked.com, that website named itself correct because it is like crack.... lol
I found this on there and had to share it because it is so fucking epic!
#18. The Ancient One Awakens from His Long Slumber
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Another normal day at Innsmouth Beach | |
It looks like three surfers are about to be devoured by a
Lovecraftian sea monster or a horde of giant octopi. It just depends on
how ridiculous the low-budget horror movie that it was taken from is.
Actually, that's just what a wave looks like when it's full of sunlight and enough seaweed to choke a sperm whale, and it's not all that uncommon.
Of course, that just means that when the tentacled monsters do decide
to attack, they'll blend right in with the seaweed until it's too late.
#17. You Can Almost Hear Their Tiny Voices Singing "Whistle While You Work"
What looks like a screen cap from a CGI-heavy Super Bowl commercial
is actually a real, not-manipulated photograph. And no, those aren't
posed ant corpses with a bottle cap hot glued to their tiny hands, if
that's what you think, Professor Coldheart. It's from a series of images
that photographer
Andrey Pavlov
took outside his house, after studying and then making an art project
out of a real live ant colony. He's a former set designer, which allowed
him to make some pretty incredible sets for the ants to interact with
in the most stereotypically industrious ways possible.
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Seen here, reeling in a 300-pound marlin. |
Seeing ants get things done at this scale is inspiring, but if you're
anything like us, that sensation quickly turns to a sense of foreboding
for the day when they finally decide to rise up and take humanity down.
#16. The Invisible Man's Brief Stint as a Hockey Goon
Even knowing that it's not Photoshopped, it takes a few minutes to figure out what's going on in this photo from the
Sports Illustrated
archive. And judging from the amazed look on the face of the kid at the
right edge of the photo, it wasn't any easier in person.
Unfortunately for Norway's hockey team, #55
Ole-Kristian Tollefsen
does not possess Nightcrawler's ability to magically disappear out of a
sticky situation. If you look at his left armpit, you can just see his
hair peeking out where his head is being held down. We'd like to think
the little ginger-haired kid was a fan of
X-Men, and left the game telling his dad, "I know what I saw, OK?"
#15. Van Gogh Didn't Even Need to Get Stoned Before Painting This
We're used to painters portraying the world around them with less and
less photo-realistic precision, but it would appear that no one told
the real world that it doesn't get to use artistic license, too.
Australian photographer Ken Prior snapped the nearly visible
brushstrokes in the above sky over Scotland. The photo is the result of a
mysterious, as yet unclassified cloud type that's been showing up all
over the United Kingdom and New Zealand, and wherever else Prior happens
to have his camera pointed at the sky.
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Behold! The groping fingers of a kinky God. |
Meteorologists are calling them asperatus clouds, while people who
aren't insecure about being confused with the weatherman are using the
more straightforward Jacques Cousteau clouds. The names all focus on the
fact that they make the sky look like an upside down ocean during a
storm, although, looking at some of Prior's other shots, the only common
thread is that they all look like the sky in
Ghostbusters.
Weather forecast: Cloudy, with a chance of apocalypse.
#14. Don't Forget to Close Your Blinds Before Undressing on 10-Cent-Beer Night
It's hard to tell where the artist was going with this half-finished
Photoshopped collage. Our first guess would probably be that he or she
was planning to use the different elements of urban development to
protest the gentrification of some Brooklyn neighborhood where people
who make Photoshopped protest art live. Our 347th guess would be the
truth: This is an unaltered photograph of Osaka Stadium.
It was
converted into a housing showcase
after Japanese baseball's Nankai Hawks moved to a better stadium and
another Ali-Frazier rematch called the "'Shocka' in Osaka" failed to
materialize. However, as the empty seats indicate, the many people who
claimed they'd rather watch paint dry than Japanese baseball proved to
be "just saying that."
#13. The Most Ridiculous Use of the "Stretch" Tool Ever
Those legs aren't Photoshopped, nor are they stilts. The maned wolf just has really long, really skinny legs. We're not sure what the evolutionary advantage of being a living Disney
cartoon might be. But we can't see that picture without imagining the
corresponding male wolf smoking cigarettes in a derby cap and
reminiscing about getting burned by the tramp with the legs that just
wouldn't quit.
#12. The Pea-tles? The Bea-nuts? We'll Let You Decide.
This
Peanuts-themed
Abbey Road cover re-creation
was placed on a Japanese road to promote a new ride at Universal
Studios Japan. While a road outside of a children's theme park probably
isn't the safest place to be distracting drivers, Japanese people are
probably used to seeing cartoon characters walking down the street by
now. Besides, it's only an adorable bout with surrealism from the
perfect angle. Anyone viewing it from above will wonder why Charlie
Brown and friends are being sucked into one of the Ghostbusters'
containment units.
#11. Skiing Back Down Is the Easy Part
OK, neither the scenery nor the guy look real in this one, but that's
a real stuntman
walking up the wire of a cable car that runs from the bottom to the top
of Zugspitze Mountain in southern Bavaria. He completed the 9,000-foot
climb for world record consideration by Guinness in the category of
"longest and highest wire walk above sea level without a balancing
pole." And for good measure, he did it without a freaking safety
harness, which begs the question: Are there Guinness World Records
groupies, and what mind-blowing version of sex have they invented to
make a man do something like this:
#10. And Then God Said Unto Them, "Any Chance We Could Get Some Furniture in Here? Or Even Just a Bush?"
It turns out that with carefully controlled conditions, you can create an actual indoor cloud.
Artist Berndnaut Smilde creates the clouds with a fog machine and then
carefully monitors the temperature and humidity of the room to get his
artificial cloud to hang there long enough to snap a picture. We have to
assume he couldn't get it to last long enough to bring his stoned
friends in and start commanding them to run his errands in a deep
booming voice.
#9. When the Ents Get Tired, They Just Sit Right Down ...
MailOnline
Erectile Dysfunction: It's not just for Bob Dole anymore.
These trees can be found in the so-called Crooked Forest, in Poland,
all of their trunks inexplicably bowing to the north. Adding to the
weirdness, nobody knows how they got that way. Experts are certain that
some human intervention had to be involved, but when World War II
happened, the reasons for shaping the trees that way were lost.
While some of the more boring theories involve creating bent wood for
the ribs of boat hulls, an especially powerful fart coming from the
south side has not been ruled out.
#8. We Hope You Didn't Pay Much for That Fake Bag, Dude ...
These bags by Jump from Paper look like giant stickers, but as you can see from the 360-degree animation on their site,
these are real bags that you can store stuff in. Finally, someone's
made a purse for the man on the go who wants to look like he splits time
between our world of three dimensions and a brightly colored
two-dimensional illustration.
Jump From Paper
Sadly, this model was beaten to death by an oversize mallet moments later.
#7. How Batman Was Actually Conceived
OK, that doesn't even look sophisticated enough to be Photoshopped.
But we've got bad news for anyone who didn't realize that bats come in
"flying wolf" sizes. It may look like someone put a child's Batman
costume on their dog in the service of some unholy cross-section of
furry and bondage fetishes, and after you know the truth, you will wish
it was.
That's a
giant golden-crowned flying fox,
one of the largest (not the largest? Come on, nature!) of what are
known as mega bats. Not the most scientific name for giant bats, but
there's not a lot of time for cleverness when you're slowly backing away
from the thing you're naming, trying to locate the nearest exit without
averting your eyes.
It boasts a nearly 6-foot wingspan, which we should probably point
out is more than big enough to wrap you in its leathery embrace and make
your scream disappear, along with any memory of your existence.
#6. If Hunter S. Thompson Took Acid in Modern Day Las Vegas
This fever dream of a hallucination is in reality a photo of a giant float in a carnival parade in Rio de Janiero.
It would be easy to question why those chorus girls are being fed to
the henna tattooed head of Mr. Freeze, but we prefer to respect other
cultures. The picture was taken at something called the Sambadrome,
which perfectly combines the glamour and terrifying apocalyptic terror
on display, and which we have to assume the dancers misheard as "The
Samba Dome" when agreeing to the gig.
#5. Crop Circles Aren't as Technically Impressive, But at Least They Don't Melt
You might wonder what's so remarkable about this image until you
realize that the little dot in the upper right hand corner is a guy who
just did all of that with his feet. Artist Simon Beck creates these gigantic snow sculptures by walking around with snow shoes on.
#4. It'd Be Impolite to Point Out His Walking Stick is a Toothpick
Getty
Earlier this year, the world of inexplicably tiny people was shaken to its little core when 72-year-old Chandra Bahadur Dangi was discovered in Nepal.
One full inch shorter than the man who was previously thought to be the
world's smallest, Guinness also declared him the shortest man ever.
Getty
"We're terribly sorry, but you're six inches short of the minimum Oompa Loompa requirements."
There's been no controversy as of yet, but the previous shortest man
ever only lived to age 40, and the next shortest living man is only 18,
while Dangi is in his prime as a stooped old man. If his title is
contested, a no-holds-barred wrestling match will be held in a shoe box
(if we have any say in the matter).
#3. The Pop-Tart Rainbow Cat Does a Flyover
Getty
You no longer need three kinds of drugs and a couple Pink Floyd records to see something like this spanning the sky. The Global Rainbow is an art project,
which recently visited London to celebrate the upcoming Olympics. When
reached for comment, the double rainbow guy wept openly for a few
minutes, and then his head exploded.
#2. Mom ... Jimmy Keeps Tagging My Side of the Bed!
If they ever attempt an
Odd Couple reboot starring Busta Rhymes and Martha Stewart, the set has already been created.
This photo is of a real room in a French hotel, which offers the world's best or worst night's sleep, depending on which side of your body you sleep on.
#1. David Lynch: Cat Whisperer
This real two-faced cat is called a
Janus cat after the Roman god who looked both forward and back. His deformity is
caused by a gene named
sonic hedgehog, after science apparently realized stoned college kids would be the cat's most appreciative audience
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